How do you prove to yourself you have earned the highest degree of education you have worked for? Not until you do something nobody of your caliber can do. It doesn’t have to be a great feat of achievement. You don’t have to wait for the Nobel, Oscar, or Olympic gold for satisfaction. Besides, we all know that these awards require more patience than worth to acquire. You live long enough eventually you will get one of these. But in this age of immediate gratification, what does one do to know your worth, right this minute? Why, one sends a colleague a “get well soon” card. Yes I can hear you scoff, you ignorant cynic. I hear you say, “Pshaw!, this Ptch knows nothing. Anyone can send a get well soon card. My secretary who talks like Britney Spears (and looks like one too!) and does nothing but chew gum and paint her nails all day sends a hundred of these in a day and is about the only thing she doesn’t screw up!” For which I have only two things to say. First, if your secretary is sending hundred “get well soon” cards a day, then either you have an endemic in your hands and you need to call the health services or your employees are doing a mass bunk and you need to get them to submit a doctor’s note with every illness. Either way you are screwed and that serves you right for being judgmental. Second, there is more to the sending of the card than just the…ummm…sending. So read on…
See, like the imaginary cynic, anyone can send a “get well soon” card. A high school graduate would go online pick the appropriate card (or inappropriate one depending on the high school student), read the instructions and type in the necessary stuff and off it goes. An undergrad, would do one better. He would do all that he did as a high school student, but in addition will also add his name, throw in some emote icons, add a ribald joke and then send it off. A graduate student, might think he has reached the pinnacle of successful get-well-soon- card sending (and rightly so) by not only choosing an age and time appropriate card, but also curb his natural instinct for ribald jokes and send it off with a sedate, politically appropriate and reasonably conventional message. And of course you would agree with him. But that is where you show your mediocrity, that is why you are here reading this post* and not polishing your Nobel acceptance speech. A true genius would not only pick an appropriate card but send it to oneself from the colleague and then wonder why the colleague is sending one a get well soon card when it is the colleague and not oneself that is ill. It takes a level of geniosity** to not only switch the sender and recipient addresses and names but to spend a good 10 mins wondering why the colleague sent you back your own card. Like any good proof, this one too lies in the pudding. That 10 min is crucial. It is your trial by fire. It should involve agonizing self-evalvuation, obsessive, repetitive reading of your own message to look for possible offensive words, and complete blindness when it comes to reading the address line. Only when you have gone through that, will you shine in the glory of the truth and along with relief will flood the realization that you are one of a kind. Then you can start penning your acceptance speech and be sure that on your dying day you will have no regrets of having wasted your days away without realizing your true potential.
*or more accurately not reading it, which is worse because you don’t realize your own mediocrity.
** geniusness? I am sure there is a word for it, but am too busy budgeting my Nobel money to be bothered to check it up online